Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Looking back on old blogs and journals can not only be embarrassing, but they can also be annoying and fuel the fire of insecurity (which I am fighting a bout of).
I practiced with Matt and Meredith earlier this week and I could barely remember my own songs. I picked up my copy of In Cold Blood to finally start reading, and after a few days of page turning I realized that I had not retained any information. I would start reading a sentence and 2 or 3 pages later I would snap out of whatever space case I was in to find a paragraph about a character that I had no idea about, doing something that I didn't understand, and think 'wait, aren't they supposed to be dead?'
I am having a mental block. I'm saving the book for a different time when I can pay attention again. All I feel like doing right now is listening, watching, cleaning, and cooking. I guess I'm nurturing my bruised ego and frustrated creativity, but I don't really feel like anything is helping except complete and total distraction; and that's not actually helping, but it's quite lovely.
I watched Sketches of Frank Gehry over the weekend, and that was great. It was inspiring. I teared up a little (as I tend to do) when he talks about finding his voice , or whatever that's called when you're an architect. Finding your blueprint? Lame. Anyway, his fearlessness and willingness to step away from everything and do his art was exhilarating for that hour and 15 minutes that I was watching it. I was envious of his vision and risk taking. I feel that way sometimes, don't I? I am passionate about things, aren't I? I am moderately talented, right?
Thus far, we've had a mild winter....or so I think until I remember that winter officially starts on Dec 22nd and lasts for a billion years. That's not helping.
I have started a new book that seems to suit me better right now, 'The Red Tent'. I've been meaning to read it for many many years but was always put off by the blurb on the back that talked about Jesus and the Bible. Organized religion, especially those involving Jesus, tends to creep me out. My mom used to go to church every week, and often still does, mainly for the community and social aspects. I never liked going to church though I always liked the music, but my mom always wanted me to go with her as kid. She soon figured out that if she bought me brunch at my favorite restaurant after church on Sundays, I would go with her. *Note to anyone that wants me to do something....bribe me with food. I will very rarely turn you down*
I've been eating amazing food lately, which is both good and bad. I'm trying to moderate. My Thanksgiving was wonderful and small, just a friend and I. It was the first year I didn't travel, and since it was a rainy, cold, and miserable day, it was the perfect day to stay home in my cozy apartment and cook, eat, and lay around.
I'm supposed to go on a vacation in a warm place at the end of the month, but things are getting in the way again. I need to clear the clutter before the new year.
I practiced with Matt and Meredith earlier this week and I could barely remember my own songs. I picked up my copy of In Cold Blood to finally start reading, and after a few days of page turning I realized that I had not retained any information. I would start reading a sentence and 2 or 3 pages later I would snap out of whatever space case I was in to find a paragraph about a character that I had no idea about, doing something that I didn't understand, and think 'wait, aren't they supposed to be dead?'
I am having a mental block. I'm saving the book for a different time when I can pay attention again. All I feel like doing right now is listening, watching, cleaning, and cooking. I guess I'm nurturing my bruised ego and frustrated creativity, but I don't really feel like anything is helping except complete and total distraction; and that's not actually helping, but it's quite lovely.
I watched Sketches of Frank Gehry over the weekend, and that was great. It was inspiring. I teared up a little (as I tend to do) when he talks about finding his voice , or whatever that's called when you're an architect. Finding your blueprint? Lame. Anyway, his fearlessness and willingness to step away from everything and do his art was exhilarating for that hour and 15 minutes that I was watching it. I was envious of his vision and risk taking. I feel that way sometimes, don't I? I am passionate about things, aren't I? I am moderately talented, right?
Thus far, we've had a mild winter....or so I think until I remember that winter officially starts on Dec 22nd and lasts for a billion years. That's not helping.
I have started a new book that seems to suit me better right now, 'The Red Tent'. I've been meaning to read it for many many years but was always put off by the blurb on the back that talked about Jesus and the Bible. Organized religion, especially those involving Jesus, tends to creep me out. My mom used to go to church every week, and often still does, mainly for the community and social aspects. I never liked going to church though I always liked the music, but my mom always wanted me to go with her as kid. She soon figured out that if she bought me brunch at my favorite restaurant after church on Sundays, I would go with her. *Note to anyone that wants me to do something....bribe me with food. I will very rarely turn you down*
I've been eating amazing food lately, which is both good and bad. I'm trying to moderate. My Thanksgiving was wonderful and small, just a friend and I. It was the first year I didn't travel, and since it was a rainy, cold, and miserable day, it was the perfect day to stay home in my cozy apartment and cook, eat, and lay around.
I'm supposed to go on a vacation in a warm place at the end of the month, but things are getting in the way again. I need to clear the clutter before the new year.
posted by Sarah RabDAU at
7:34 AM
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