silence

So, first off, the show with Fluttr Effect went really well. I wasn't sure that it went that well at first because the audience was so polite. In a golf clap kinda way. But afterwards I had a lot of people come up to me and tell me that they really enjoyed the set. Fluttr Effect does a lot theatrically as well, so it was lovely to be a part of a show that was a production. I miss that about my stage days.

But then, what I didn't know, was that deep inside me there lived a sickness that was desperate to come out and attempt to kill me. Maybe not kill me, but show me who's boss. So days of coughing and fever ensue, and I wind up getting larangitis. And I couldn't speak for two days...which was kind of awesome....except for the fact that my throat was a desert of burning daggers.

My sickness lives still.

but i don't have skin cancer.

which is good because I thought i did.

Now, I sit at home listening to all the music that makes me go 'shit, there's a lot of good stuff out there.'' And that makes me antsy and hopefully makes my need to sing fight all the bad shit that is living in my lungs and nose. Got to fight that shit. Got to fight that shit.

The 18-25 box is all over for me

I am officially 26. I have been having a quarter life crisis for the past few weeks....I actually think it is deeper then age, but I am determined to make it stop here. After a weekend of moping, eating, and my mother's kind words I think, and hope, I can pull through.
I have been getting ready for my show opening for Fluttr EFFECT on Thursday. I'm really excited about it, and I'm hoping to leave a good impression with some folks that have never heard me before. I am also going to dedicate a song to Brian Denehy. Why? Because he came into my work a few days ago and was a total jerk to me. I was nothing but helpful and lovely and he would not acknowledge that at all. I don't like to be made to feel small; even if you have made over 100 movies. So fuck that Brian Denehy..look what this lowly girl can do. I'm going to scream my head off just for you.

With every year there is more power, and wider hips. I guess I will have to adjust to both.

lucky

I just got back from a weekend visiting family and friends in Virginia and Maryland. Seeing family always puts things in perspective. Although I am a product of two divorces, and have issues that often come with these unfortunate circumstances, I have a loving and supportive family that I am thankful to have. We all have our problems, our traits that annoy each other, but when it comes down to it I love seeing and being with them.
Which brings me to luck. My mom has recently told me that if "you didn't have bad luck you'd have no luck at all". Which is true...or rather I don't necessarily have bad luck, I have no luck. I never seem to catch a break and that often wears me thin. We all need a hand once in awhile, it helps make the journey worthwhile and not like you are just going around in circles.
But I realize I am lucky. Very lucky. I have a beautiful family that loves and supports me, who are also healthy (as am I), I am talented, inspired, and I have aspirations and the drive to back it up. All these are things are so basic to me that I fail to remember that so many people don't have them. And I really need to stop bitching about how much it sucks that I can't get a break or how fucking internally tormented I feel right now. Because who doesn't feel internally tormented? And what kind of bullshit songs would I write if I wasn't? Probably the kind that gets played on the radio every second, but oh well. That's not, ultimately, what is important.
Sure, I need reinforcement. Yes, I have desires that are selfish and materialistic. But the facts are simple: I am lucky.
And no matter how much I bitch and give myself ultimatums, this is my life. These are the paths I have chosen and there is no need for regrets.
Life is far too short.