buying CD's I can't afford

Last weekend I was in NY visiting my family and singing backups for Ad @ Pianos. I love New York. I love everything about it. So many people there it seems like the city is a person breathing on its own. The movement elevates me..I'm very effected by my surroundings. I think that's why I am going crazy here. I've been here too long and I have wanted to leave for so many years now I feel like I'm super glued to a metaphysical dumpster. There's always the same old crap around me and the stench of it all becomes overwhelming; and I can't think of anything except trash, and don't see anything new unless it's the latest old magazine that's already been read. Used up and thrown out. And it's horrible because I've never felt like this before. It makes for great songs but I need some movement for reflection, something outside of myself.
Playing in NY is also kinda funny. Crowds come for specific bands and then leave right afterwards. Luckily Ad had a pretty good crowd, among them Amy Poehler from SNL. She dug his stuff (even bought a CD) and was ridiculously nice and laid back. Super adorable too.
Playing that show reminded me how much I love playing out of state. Now that I have someone that I love playing with and is willing to travel, and songs I love performing, I want to get back to booking out of state. Afterall that is the whole point of doing this, I am only happiest when I am playing out and performing. And Travelling. Applause please.

Today, I went to the record store to buy CD's I can't afford. I also ordered some more that will visit me in the mail next week. They are predominantly all singer/songwriters...but all good ones. I was so anti singer/songwriter-y stuff for such a long time, but these folks are different. I am visiting the places that I used to inhabit, and finding out how I belong. If I do at all.
I used to crave beautiful clothes and rich foods and would spend my extra cash on them, but now I just look longingly in the window and think of the time when that would satisfy me. When I was simpler...but evidently more materialistic.

Thursday Friday Saturday Rock Star

If all shows could be like the show at Harpers on the 2nd then the world would be a better place. This was my first show playing with Rigel on the violin and she kicked ass. This is the closest I have come to what I want my music to sound like.
We opened the set with this new "song" I wrote called 'Airraid'. Rigel went onstage first and slowly started with this crazy fucked up sound that has a lot of feedback, it basically sounds like a plane crashing. Lots of planes crashing. Then I came out and started this rolling piano line that climaxes and fades to nothing, and then I start singing. It's a very experimental song, and I knew it was going to sound cool but I didn't realize how much people would like it. The rest of the set went really well but my favorite song to play, which might be a staple in all my sets now, is 'Man Child'. It's very cathardic, intimate, creepy, and I love the piano part. Rigel's addition to the song was perfect, the only thing I miss are the drums. I want drums back in my life.

After the show I got to talking to the folks from Humanwine, and Count Zero. For the first time since I started performing in Boston I felt like I actually might belong. To play with bands like the aforementioned and Fluttr Effect is so refreshing because they are all different and talented and can't be stuffed into pretty little boxes. I love that. It makes me feel less lonely. I hope their fans liked our set, it felt really good but I didn't have as many people come up to me and chat afterwards. Vessela (from Fluttr Effect) said that Kara (their lead singer) usually only has the guys come up to her telling her she's hot and the rest of the band gets the other comments. Something to do with intimidation. Rigel told me that a lot of people were gushing to her, which is great, and I'm glad. But I need it too. I can be a big ball of confidence while playing, and directly afterwards, but like any artist if I don't get praise I question everything. I'm just as narcissitc as the next performer, and I need it. I love it. I'm nothing without fans and their opinons.

Friday night I got to hit the stage again but this time with Ad Frank and the Fast East Women. It was an incredible show. Ad was so ON that night. Sean (guitar player) had an idea to bring out a catwalk for Ad to strut down and make the girls go crazy. Wow, did it work. The combination of Owen doing sound, Dec doing lights, and the extra stage appendage made for a spectacular show. People were screaming and singing along, throwing up their hands in adoration. It was fucking rock star! Ad was a fucking rock star. We played an awesome show, did an amazing cover of 'Karma Killer', and came back out for an encore. I love playing with this band.

Saturday I went to go see Regina Spektor open for Keane. Regina is one of me new favorites because she is herself and there is no one else remotely like her. When we got to the venue the place was sparsely attended and the people there were talking about beer and their hair. Regina came on and people would not shut up. I can listen to the woman sing anytime, anywhere, at any place and it annoyed the fuck out of me how people were NOT reacting to her. She still sang her heart out, but I would imagine that it would be slightly disheartening to play to fuckers like that. Afterwards, we ended running into some lovelies from Fluttr Effect, Count Zero, and The Dresdon Dolls. Amanda and Brian are friends with Regina and were chatting with her mostly, but they had both heard about the show at Harpers and were very kind and supportive as they tend to be. I spoke with Regina a bit, I could tell she wasn't happy with her performance and I could sense something was bothering her. I later found out that she was having some music issues with the balance between art/job/label/independent. I didn't want to intrude as I'm just a girl she met and she had actual friends around. But what I wanted to say to her was 'You are one of a kind and there are million people like them. Don't let them get to you, don't let them take away what makes you one of a kind. You are fucking unique, you are special, and licking your shoes would be the best fucking thing they ever tasted. Fuck them and show 'em who's boss. SHOW THEM WHO IS BOSS!"