the journey that almost ended in disaster

The day was Thursday Oct. 26th and I had a scheduled flight heading towards Colorado Springs at 6:36am with a lay over in Phoenix. I had to get up at 4:00am to catch a cab at 4:45am. I had been watching the weather reports all week long and on Monday it was scheduled to be beautiful all weekend, better than Boston. Tuesday, still beautiful with a chance of light snow on Thursday, maybe rain. Wednesday, there was a blizzard warning going from that night till Thursday afternoon. Great. There was beautiful weather everywhere else in the country, crystal clear skies, big puffy clouds, warm winds, etc., except for the one town I was supposed to go to.
I get to Phoenix without a hitch, slept on the plane almost the entire way there except for the hour leading up to landing where I watched the red rocks and canyons pass underneath us. It's such a beautiful state that I have never been to. Outside the windows of the airport are scattered red rock formations, and hills to look and marvel at. It was 80 degrees. I was watching the weather channel at my gate with a pit in my stomach, Colorado Springs was getting pummelled by snow and winds. My friend that I was going to be seeing there let me know that the conditions were getting worse, and it was pretty bad outside. I waited, my flight said it was going to take off. It kept saying that. And stayed strong until 2 minutes before boarding was supposed to start and the flight got cancelled. An announcement---all flights to Colorado Springs were cancelled or booked until Saturday, you can go to Denver today, or try again tomorrow.
I was temporarily distraught. I got up at fucking 4am to catch this flight, had been so looking forward to the visit, and now I might just have to turn around and go back to fucking Boston. I called my friend, told my story, I decided I was going to try and get trapped in Denver instead of trapped in Phoenix. Amazingly, there is a flight that is going to Denver an hour after my cancelled flight, I book myself on it and try to calmly believe that my luck will turn, the snow will stop, and I will be in Colorado Springs by morning. Typically Denver and C.S. are only an hour and a half apart from each other, but apparently, as of that time, the roads were totally closed. Fuck Yeah! My flight is delayed by half an hour, but it is still scheduled to go. I am bizarrely optimistic while reading the Gnarls Barkley article in SPIN. There is an announcement over the loud speaker that if I'm interested in getting a shuttle from Denver to CS that day I should talk to this guy, so I do. He tells me there is a man willing to drive people, it won't be that expensive, so I say I'm interested.

I get on the flight, I couldn't believe it was happening. I am in Denver an hour and a half later. The guy putting the shuttle together is still there, he is not an apparition. He says our driver is waiting outside for us. I am in a daze of disbelief and amazement. At that point I had been traveling for 16 hours, and I had never felt more awake.

Our shuttle bus was a big suburban and inside were #1 a military guy who had just gotten out of bootcamp and the next day was his first day. He was from California. He had never seen snow. #2 a musician who also owned a few businesses and was recording in C.S. #3+4 a power couple, man and wife, who were in business together and had two children. #5 a woman that was being financially taken care of by her boyfriend and who happened to live in the exact same town that I used to live in California. A friend of hers lived on my old street. #6 Our amazing driver, Mo, who has Afghani and had been living in the states for over 30 years, and had been an American citizen for 27 years. He was a cowboy.
The next three hours were spent on 1-25 trying to maneuver our way through clear roads, black ice, unplowed stretches, and numerous accidents. We told stories about our lives, we listened to Mo tell his stories about how the world had changed so much from when he first arrived till now. People that he had been buying coffee from for 15 years now thought that he was Al Qaeda, but he still had such an amazing sense of humor. He was a fantastic driver. He made us laugh so much. During the drive, I remember thinking 'wow, this is a journey. I will never forget this.' We arrive at the C.S. airport where the woman from my town in CA has her boyfriend pick us up and they both take me to the hotel I'm supposed to meet my friend at. Jennifer (the woman), and her boyfriend (John) were adorable, lovely, and funny. I hope I get to go back one day and check out their house. I arrived at the hotel just after 9pm...over 20 hours after I got up that morning.

I should have felt like shit, I should have been exhausted; but the trip, despite it's length, was awesome and unforgettable.

Things I learned on my trip:
People in Colorado are incredibly friendly. In two restaurants I ate in, upon asking how our server was doing, we got the response 'I'm doing fantastic, thanks'. Wow. Fantastic.
Colorado is beautiful, which I had already known, but it was more beautiful than I remembered.
Sunrises are better than Sunsets. Also something I already knew, but I so infrequently see sunrises, and I saw two.
Denver is an adorable city, with great architecture, and an absolutely awesome newly renovated art museum. It's acronym.....DAM. Which makes it 25% better.
Tracy Bonham has an amazing voice and I love her songs.
That many cities use the phrase 'if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes', though we were pretty sure Mark Twain said that about New England. But after looking it up on the internerd I have found it was said about at least 4 different states, 2 different countries, and two different writers. So who knows?

Lastly, all the snow melted the next day and it was 70 for the rest of the weekend. Wait five minutes indeed.

Addendum

To anyone that reads this and was getting a little worried....I am doing much better. I spent several days under the covers reading a book that was sucking the life out of me, 'The Last Time We Met' by Anita Shreve. It was a little oprah-ish but the writing was beautiful, as was the story, most of the time. Sometimes good books are almost a problem because I can't do anything but read them. I have gone from one book to the next. I just finished 'The Spider's House' by Paul Bowles, a book I had started before I was supposed to go to Morocco and then upon finding I wasn't going, took a break from it. It was terribly good though, especially if you are interested in Morocco and it's history..and even if you're not you should read it because it's quite informative.

I watched Dave Chapelle Block Party. I cried almost the whole way through. Having all of those musicians come together like that and celebrate, and in that location, was just about one of the most moving things I have ever seen.

I saw Breakfast on Pluto. The verdict is still out on that, though it did reiterate my desire and need to flee the country for a short bit. Or a long bit.

I am writing a song that is also sucking the life out of me. I haven't been this drained since playing Ophelia in the 11th grade. She invaded my body for weeks until, finally, the last performance was over and I was free. 'Oranges for Alcohol' was also really draining, but this one takes the cake. I'm hoping to maybe get some help with it this weekend...maybe.

Anyway, I'm in recovery, though I'm dealing with a sprained something in between my right ring and middle fingers. It hurts a lot. Matt and I have been practicing quite a bit and it's showing, I think. I can't wait to play more. I can't wait to write more. I can't wait to be rid of this funk completely.

the annual

Somehow, I thought that this would pass, that this year would be different. It is not, I am the same. I wonder and truly hope that one year I will not freak out about this, I just hope that I won't look back and think 'Wow, I was so young, what the fuck was my problem?' It's inevitable though, because I am young, and there is no reason to feel this way. Maybe it's not this, maybe it's something else. Hmmmmm.

Every year, for the past three years, I have started to freak out about getting older 5-6 months before my birthday. It is absolutely insane, I know. I have blamed my father for it in the past since he has never been that great with aging and has adamantly stated that he will never grow old. I have called this the Peter Pan syndrome. However, this year my father turned 50 and he has embraced his age with gusto, probably because he has never looked or felt better. He seriously seems like he is getting visibly younger, while maturing--though maintaining his teenage like qualities--with grace and elegance. Last time he was here helping me move we went to a show and I was standing around all my friends in their 40's with my dad next to them all. He looked younger than every single one. Fingers crossed for me. My mom also looks amazing. Please, beauty products, don't fail me now.
These freak outs are all in the name of vanity and pretentiousness, I feel the narcissism. It is slightly embarrassing but I still can't manage to shut up and stop whining about it. Shit.
Ok, it's actually not about looks either. It's ambition, it dreams mixed with realism, it's action, it's traveling, it's love, and it's misery. It's never knowing where life will take you and if the things you are striving for are the things that you should be spending your time doing. But that's life, isn't it? Apparently, I am too much of a control freak to just let it happen. I've been studying planetary alignments and horoscope compatibilities recently to try and get a better handle. I love surprises, but I am also a closet competitive perfectionist, and right now I need to know that I am doing good. Is it over, or has it just begun?

I am envious of a simplicity that I can't see myself ever wanting. A life in the suburbs with two children, a husband that loves me and provides me the luxury of working part time at the local art gallery while I take care of the kids and plant dinner plate dahlias with my gardening club. I could bake whole grain breads, and make paper mache ponies for Sabine and Cole's birthdays. I could be really good at it, though I kind of hate baking and I don't think I've ever paper mache'd anything that didn't fall apart. I also get a little woozy when I'm in the suburbs too long. Shit.

I spent yesterday on my couch and in my bed suffering from an incredible bout of bitchiness and 'nothing's right'. I holed myself up reading my book and wanting so badly to play the piano but knowing I would only get more frustrated. I wanted to clean my room but I couldn't find the energy. I wanted to snuggle up next to someone in my bed under my amazingly soft sheets and stare out the window. None of these things were possible and so I shunned myself from society and wallowed in my own misery, until about 7:30pm when I went to go see The Departed. Good Flick. I love Jack Nicholson.

Ad Frank Tribute Tonight

Tonight at the Middle East a whole slew of us are paying tribute to one of my favorite people, songwriters, and friends, Ad Frank. He is turning a year older at midnight.

Ad Frank and I met about 3 years ago at a Valentines Day show and exchanged CD's. He played a solo set, I could tell his songs were good but couldn't tell why. A few months later he got picked to play in the WBCN Rumble with his full band 'The Fast Easy Women', and I went to go check it out. To this day, it is one of the most engaging and magnetic shows I have ever seen...and Ad doesn't even think it was that good. Ad didn't win the Rumble, he didn't even make it to the next round, but it doesn't matter because that night opened so many things for me and everyone knows he was totally robbed...as usual.
Over the next year I had the privilege of being asked to sing on his soon to be released record 'Ad Frank is the World's Best Ex-Boyfriend'. I sang. The song was fucking beautiful. They asked me to sing at their CD Release party, and then somehow coerced me into being a full time Fast Easy Woman. Being in this band has been one of the best things I have ever done, and has brought me so much happiness and love. It is ever evolving, sometimes time consuming, and my liver has probably suffered irreparable damage...but I wouldn't give it up for the world.

So, if you are around tonight please come by the Middle East and listen to Ad Frank's fucking awesome songs sung by a million different people. I'm going on last tonight, Ad Frank is doing a solo set first, so there will be plenty of things to enjoy all night long.

eating my cd's as food

I bought CD's, and I haven't bought this many wonderful CD's at once in so long. It's fucking great.

Cocteau Twins- Heaven or Las Vegas. I am continuing on with my obsession, this and Blue Bell Knoll rock my world. I am in love with this band, and I'm so bummed that I didn't check out Massive Attack at the Orpheum because Liz was their guest vocalist. I should have known.

TV on the Radio- Return to Cookie Mountain. This band continues to be my favorite band, they've got everything that I love; beats, atmosphere, poignant lyrics, horns, great vocals, and attitude.

Super Furry Animals- Rings Around the World. Just was introduced to this band, they have great songs, sound, and vibe. Really diverse album. Two discs of luxury.

Cat Power- Moon Pix. Obviously, a really young record, but I really like a lot of the tracks on here. Really dark, dismal, and funny.

Thom Yorke- The Eraser. I love this album, it has really grown on me. The track 'The Eraser' is fucking phenomenal.

Siouxsie and the Banshees- Best of. Great band that I didn't pay enough attention to.

Ad Frank let me borrow his Klaus Nomi and New Order CD's. He's a good man for it. I listened to Nomi all rainy, dazed, lying in bed looking out the window weekend.

p.s.- The new Christina Aguilera has a lot of really great tracks on it. Didn't buy, but have listened to many times. There is a song on the 2nd disc where she sings in this really light head voice all the way through and it is beautiful, in every single way.