Dreamgirls vs. Idlewild

On a completely different front, void of self-pity and conflict.....

I went to go see Dreamgirls the other night because I really, really, really needed to see someone 100 times larger than me (meaning on the screen), with an amazing voice, belt their hearts out and cry in my face. There was nothing that sounded better.
I went. I was distracted. I cried. It served its purpose.

Jennifer Hudson has an amazing voice, she does a great job as Effie, and I got that feeling of pride as she was just your average pedestrian a few years ago and now she's up there and nominated. Beyonce was great though a little sweet. Eddie Murphy- good, but I have seen him play that style of person a billion times. Jamie Fox was excellent as always.
However, the music was nauseatingly bad. The lyrics were vapid and insulting, often times ruining any emotion that was in the scene. Also, there was one song where it could have just been Jennifer and the piano player, but a full on band comes in though no other musicians were in sight. Annoying.
So in the end I would give the movie a C+.

I saw Idlewild last night, and where the music ruined Dreamgirls, the music helped bring Idlewild to a creative and interesting new light. The storyline was kind of weak, the acting nothing exceptional, but the creativity in the direction, colors, animation, and music were fantastic.
It's true, I may be slightly biased because I have had an incredible crush on Andre Benjamin for years now. He is one of the sexiest men I have ever seen; sharp dresser, incredibly talented, funny...you really can't get better than that.
If I could sing with any two people in the music biz today, it would be Andre 3000 and Peter Gabriel. There are tons of people that I love and live for (Tom Waits, Bowie, singing in the choir of Arcade Fire), but based on vocal texture and production I feel I would be best suited for them. I love them.
Anyway, the point, beyond my love for Andre, is that Idlewild was unexpectedly creative and incredibly enjoyable. If anyone could take a hint when making future musicals, please take one from this movie.

the history of walls and other thing I won't talk about

I think it's interesting what people will tell and what they keep for themselves. I have friends that talk about their sex life like they talk about what they ate for dinner, ain't no big deal until it's great and then they tell the world. I have friends that will tell you about their courtships but won't tell you when they are in love. Friends that relate absolutely everything that happens to other people, back to themselves to serve as some sort of 'comfort to you'. People that will talk shit about everyone they know, but never say when they like anything.

I will talk about food. I will tell you everything that I eat in one day, especially when I have engorged myself to an unbelievable level.

Today:

Oatmeal and flax seed (intending to be good)
Brown Rice, tofu, broccoli with green curry (still doin' ok)
Nachos with cheese, pinto beans, jalapenos, sour cream, guacamole, and more cheese (a glimmer of a sad girl that needs comforting)
a few jalapeno poppers (gross, didn't want them, must fill void)
a package of Kit Kat and a coffee (not hungry, need chocolate, want to do anything but think)
That's all so far, it's only 2:30pm.

Anyway---

I will talk about most things that people talk about- art, books, music, movies, current events, etc. Sometimes I'll go deeper. I really enjoy listening more than talking, so I often listen to other people's problems and help work things out.

However, when things get personal for me, I shut down. Part of me used to think that I liked to keep all the conflict and sadness to myself because a)I didn't want to sound pathetic and b) if I talked about it, I might figure it out, and then what the fuck would I write about?

These points, along with several others, fit nicely under the blanket excuse for all my deficiencies; I call it My Wall. Whatever the relationship, friendship, or new beginning, I come armored with an open-mind, a heart willing to love, and a 50 lb. bag of cement ready to go at any minute.
You will say you love me, and I'll love you too, but the second it's said I'll start mixing and laying down the first layers. No one can get too close, I'll only let myself love you to a point.

I've never seen anything wrong with this method of protection before, you get to love and be loved while also maintaining your distinct qualities and interests. I win!
Ok, so what I'm finding is that I don't win. My wall, meant to protect and keep intruders out, keeps out the goodness too. My wall, meant to protect and keep out imminent hurt, ends up hurting me.
I have often looked into the future and envisioned myself alone, furiously productive in some urban setting, going out with friends to openings and shows, and coming home to my small one bedroom. Everything is mine, I don't need anyone's permission, and the world is open to me. That sounds pretty fucking awesome until it occurred to me the other day that when envisioning this, I always had this incredible feeling of sadness that would come over me. I've always ignored that because I felt like the only way you can be productive, effective, truly yourself, and artistic is if you shut people out and experience that internal sadness.

I don't think I believe in this anymore. All this wall building gets tiring and lonely. But what I haven't mastered yet, and the question that still plagues me is, how do you keep from falling apart if you don't have a wall to hold you up.

Weekly Dig article

Hey everyone

Me and the assassins are feature in this weeks Weekly Dig. Check it

new Arcade Fire song

I was just in a store trying to find final touches for my outfit on Thursday when I hear the familiar voice and music of those crazy kids from Arcade Fire come on the radio.

I stopped dead in my tracks for four minutes as my eyes started to brim with tears, didn't move, staring into space, completely in awe of the sound, the melodies, the lyrics, the passion bursting through the speakers. I think the song was called intervention.


I think their new CD will change my life.

cutting out snowflakes

It actually snowed. December 30th I woke up to a cloudy, cold morning and could hear the wind starting to whisper hints of snowflakes later in the day. My friend and I trekked down to Diesel Cafe where I got a Cafe au lait and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese, lox, and tomatoes. I was in love with the morning.

When I lived in California I craved cold, damp, cloudy, rainy, snowy, anything but sunny-all-the-time weather, all the time. I was also sensitive coffee shop girl, so the blaring sun heating me to my core could not have been more offensive to my dark and dismal state. I never wore black, though. I still rarely do.

So, when I moved back to Boston 8 years ago I loved the freakish and fierce changes in weather; it was like being born into a new person everyday. *Wow, I have a knack for glorifying stupid shit.* However, after about year 6 I started to get really annoyed with the slushy, dirty streets that would seep into the unseen holes in my boots and waterproof gear. I got tired of 14 layers, of dry skin, constant application of my Burt's Bees honey lip balm, of my hair freezing when I went outside because I can't blow dry it cuz it loses curl or frizzes and I actually like my curls, of butter, bread, cheese, and pasta, which I inevitably crave because my body loves more meat on my bones in the winter though I try and fight it as much as possible. Basically, I started to hate winter and I started to love summer...which I never really have.

Last winter was mild, and wonderful. We got about a billion feet of snow, but it melted quick and I never felt like my fingers were going to freeze off. This winter has been global warmingly warm and I have loved it until about two weeks ago, at which point I felt like it was contributing to my feeling of being in The Interim. Nothing was definite, extreme, or set. It all seemed like it was in between stages.
But then it snowed, and I felt like a new person again.

It snowed all day. I sat on my bed and played with my new camera while periodically looking out the window at the snow collecting on the ground and church steeple across the street. I was so happy.
Later in the day I went and picked up supplies for our 007 themed New Years Bash, ate Indian food, and went to bed happy.

I have been happy ever since. I'm doing work that I have been procrastinating, and I have practiced a lot to get my fingers and voice back in shape after a month of being dormant.

I'm finishing up my book, which has been so amazing, 'In the Time of Butterflies' by Julia Alvarez. I've been listening to 'Orphans: Bralwers, Bawlers, and Bastards', Neko Case 'Fox Confessor Brings the Flood', My Brightest Diamond 'Bring Me The Workhorse', and the This Mortal Coil box set that my friend let me borrow which has been discontinued and now costs a million dollars to buy.

For Chirstmas presents I made everyone date cookies that were an old family recipe, and dukkah (see previous post). I also cut out snowflakes from tissue paper and sang Christmas Carols on the floor of my bedroom with a friend. I voted us to be the cutest people that existed at that moment. It only last a moment.