a few moments left

The end of 2006 soon approaches. It was a year that had been looming in my head for over two years now, though I had no idea why. Ever since 2004 I had kept thinking it was 2006; I would write it on checks, letters, whatever required a date. I misinterpreted the meaning, thinking that maybe musically I would find some moderate success, and in a way I have--meeting my band and all--but not in the ways I had originally thought.
I had bursts of change in my life, people and things that had been in my life for years, now aren't. I had been in desperate need of some sort of variance, and put all my energy and thoughts into what I thought would cure the static, but it turns out that I was looking at it all wrong. The realization came with incredible heartache and loneliness, people I thought I was close with weren't there, and those that I never would have expected anything from came out of the woodwork. With the changes came new places, experiences, music, and people that filled the holes and helped create new growth and appendages. I have three arms now, piano playing is going to new heights!

I miss all that I have lost, but I am changed and the world is carving me (ahem) in ways I never expected.

*********

My highlights from this year:

*Going to San Francisco and seeing dear friends
*Meeting my band, Self-Employed Assassins
*My five days in NYC
*Having both my parents around me for three days to help me move. Haven't had them both together, just them and me, since I was two.
Being in the F.E.W.
*My trip to the Dominican Republic, which I just got back from. I am actually tan, it's amazing....so was the trip.
*Having the Cocteau Twins, and This Mortal Coil brought into my life.
*Introduced to this stuff called dukkah, which is this pistachio/coriander/cumin/smoked paprika dry rub-ish kind of thing that you dip bread into. I must have some on hand at all times.
*Finally seeing TV on the Radio live.
*My drunken summer where I was showered with love and devotion despite being in the midst of turmoil and sadness.
*My heart breaking and bursting with love all at the same time.
*Finally watching the Three Colors trilogy
*Reading The Red Tent
*Seeing Wings of Desire
*My trip to Colorado, through blizzard and obstacles, restoring a faith in humanity that I was never really willing to give up on.

And so it ends, and a new year begins.



much love,

sarah


p.s. I just bought My Brightest Diamond's CD 'Bring me the workhorse', and I am instantly in love. Such fire and passion in her sultry voice. Also am reading the book 'In the Time of the Butterflies' by Julia Alvarez, it's historical fiction based on the revolution of the 60's in the Dominican Republic. Can't put it down, just like I didn't want to leave the country. Such a lush and vibrant country.


Happy New Year everyone.

xoxoxoxox

wings of desire

I had tried to see the movie before last weekend, but due to a Netflix mishap, that didn't happen.
A.R.T is putting on an adaptation of the movie, and I had the good fortune to go on Saturday. I was a little concerned because I had read some less than favorable reviews of the production, but I was also excited because I love going to the theatre and several people that I think highly of have all praised the story.

The play was fantastic. It started out disconnected and slow, I wasn't really sure that I would be able to sit through an hour and forty minutes of it. The dialogue, mixed with the music--often droning, slightly dissonant, I really liked most of it, actually--set a tone of dreaminess and overall sense of being lost. And at first, the sense of being lost was overwhelming and I found myself listening to the music more than the dialogue. But then, like looming cloud cover, not sure what direction it will go or what it will bring, the play opened up to reveal a beautiful story of love and about how living in real time and experiencing life as it comes is the most magical thing. One of the characters in the play is an aerialist, and the grace and beauty in which her body moves through the air is stunning. The last scene of the play is so moving I had to stop myself from sobbing, a feeling only comparable to the first time I saw Sex and Lucia. When the movie ended I burst, projectile tears, from the beauty and intense love, the feeling of being one with someone and knowing that you fit with them in a way that no one else can. Wings of Desire has the same sentiment, and seeing it before your eyes, in dead silence, among hundreds of people, these two people wrapped around each other in mid air, truly one in their love for another; not one person, but two people moving fluidly, individually, around each other, in each other, was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

If you can go, you should. It is only around for another week.

clear the clutter

Looking back on old blogs and journals can not only be embarrassing, but they can also be annoying and fuel the fire of insecurity (which I am fighting a bout of).
I practiced with Matt and Meredith earlier this week and I could barely remember my own songs. I picked up my copy of In Cold Blood to finally start reading, and after a few days of page turning I realized that I had not retained any information. I would start reading a sentence and 2 or 3 pages later I would snap out of whatever space case I was in to find a paragraph about a character that I had no idea about, doing something that I didn't understand, and think 'wait, aren't they supposed to be dead?'
I am having a mental block. I'm saving the book for a different time when I can pay attention again. All I feel like doing right now is listening, watching, cleaning, and cooking. I guess I'm nurturing my bruised ego and frustrated creativity, but I don't really feel like anything is helping except complete and total distraction; and that's not actually helping, but it's quite lovely.

I watched Sketches of Frank Gehry over the weekend, and that was great. It was inspiring. I teared up a little (as I tend to do) when he talks about finding his voice , or whatever that's called when you're an architect. Finding your blueprint? Lame. Anyway, his fearlessness and willingness to step away from everything and do his art was exhilarating for that hour and 15 minutes that I was watching it. I was envious of his vision and risk taking. I feel that way sometimes, don't I? I am passionate about things, aren't I? I am moderately talented, right?

Thus far, we've had a mild winter....or so I think until I remember that winter officially starts on Dec 22nd and lasts for a billion years. That's not helping.

I have started a new book that seems to suit me better right now, 'The Red Tent'. I've been meaning to read it for many many years but was always put off by the blurb on the back that talked about Jesus and the Bible. Organized religion, especially those involving Jesus, tends to creep me out. My mom used to go to church every week, and often still does, mainly for the community and social aspects. I never liked going to church though I always liked the music, but my mom always wanted me to go with her as kid. She soon figured out that if she bought me brunch at my favorite restaurant after church on Sundays, I would go with her. *Note to anyone that wants me to do something....bribe me with food. I will very rarely turn you down*

I've been eating amazing food lately, which is both good and bad. I'm trying to moderate. My Thanksgiving was wonderful and small, just a friend and I. It was the first year I didn't travel, and since it was a rainy, cold, and miserable day, it was the perfect day to stay home in my cozy apartment and cook, eat, and lay around.

I'm supposed to go on a vacation in a warm place at the end of the month, but things are getting in the way again. I need to clear the clutter before the new year.