demo-itis

2 and a half years ago I recorded 5 songs as a demo with my friend Dan Brennan. All the takes were done live, me on piano and vocals, Rigel on violin. There are no overdubs. We played it exactly as it sounds; doing 1 or 2 takes for each song. 4 of these songs appear on my myspace page. 3 of those 4 belong to a ‘tasting’ CD that I sell at shows for $3.
This ‘tasting’ CD has been vital for the past 2 years. It was always my intention that an album would soon be recorded after the demos; but to tie people over, to give an idea of my current songs--as they sound drastically different from my full-length album--they would have these 3 songs.
I have gained fans with these songs. I’ve gotten gigs with these songs. I’ve found and loss band mates with these songs. The ‘tasting’ has done it’s job, and probably overstayed it’s welcome.

After years of delays and false starts, deaths and divorces, love and losses, and a stint with irresponsible freedom, the album is getting closer to being The Album.

I knew that I wanted to keep this one simple, a reaction to the first one being overdone, because I wanted these songs to breathe and twirl, and also because the band is simple with just 2 or 3 people in it.
That said, I didn’t want to deny myself the pleasures of hearing bass, strings, keyboards, etc on these songs simply because, as of now, it’s just Matt and I in the band. I wanted to hear all those things, because in my head, that’s how they sound. But when do you say ‘enough’, and when do you say ‘this needs something else’?

I have a string trio or quartet on 5 songs on the album. There’s bass on almost every song that doesn’t have strings, there’s layers of keys on some songs, guitar on others, organ, etc. and I think it sounds great.

Aye, but here’s the rub.

People get attached to demos because that’s how they first hear a song, it means something to them, and it’s how they connect. I remember hearing the first few songs released from Regina Spektor’s Sire-made release ‘Begin to Hope’, and being totally bummed out. I had heard them done live, and they were honest, simple, and beautiful. The production seemed to water down the songs, making it easily digestible in a bad way. But then I heard the whole album and it made sense. I ended up loving it. I ended up loving it even more when I found out that she loved it.

I worry a little that people are going to hear some of these songs that they’ve been familiar with and end up hating the newer versions. I worry because, that’s what I do, and also because we have spent a long time making it this way. For me, the versions aren’t a matter of better or worse; it’s a matter of different. I love both versions (the demo, and the album). The buzzed out guitars and keys in the album version of Autumn Spills makes me so fucking happy. It’s exactly how I’ve always heard the song. The string quartet on San Francisco is stunning, and so beautifully arranged. I feel instantly transported to the 18th century.

Ultimately, I only care if I’m happy with the way things sound. If I’m happy, I think other people will be too. It’s like loving yourself so that other people can love you, as cheesy as that sounds.

I think we are making a really good record. Peter has helped immensely by bringing my fondness for classical music, and creepy fuzzy layers into one. It is a feat that I have always viewed as impossible. I wish I could play something for someone and say ‘see! That’s good right?’

I unapologetically need positive reinforcement, and humble doses of adoration.
It’s gross, I know.

I promise to post some more youtube clips of the recording in the next few days. Of course all the funny moments go unrecorded, I should learn to just carry the camera with me everywhere. But let it be known that we are having a really good time, things are getting done, and I have learned from life experience to not get too excited until everything is done.

But if I hadn’t learned that along the way, if I wasn’t a jaded East Coaster that knows better, I would be really excited. Really really quite excited.