Thursday, December 01, 2005
The paradise show went well, I was pleased. I couldn't have picked two better musicians to work with than Nate and Scott...I thank them a gazillion times over. There is a clip from the show on this guy Bernie's site (he put the show together) http://www.melodymatters.com, it's blurry and faraway...but you can get the idea.
I pulled out my sewing kit for the show (a pair of scissors) and completely destroyed this high school play looking dress I got at The Garment District. I tore it to pieces, threw on a red sash, and sewed on a window screen....it came out exactly as I had hoped it would! Hopefully there will be pictures on the site soon....my site really needs to be updated, I know.
Throughout all of 2005 I have been writing 2006. I don't know why, I'm hoping that '06 will be better then '05. This year sucked so hard in so many ways, and for so many people, I think I have yet to meet someone that had a great year- emotionally speaking. There was a dark disgusting haze that dropped tar and grime on all things lovely this year. I'm tired of the shit covered sky. Fuck the shit. But as my friend and art warrior pointed out, I have grown a lot. And that's probably true, as a writer and performer I feel I have budded and bloomed a bit. I love my songs now, and I haven't for years, and the ideas I have been getting are inspiring to me. Each idea fuels a new idea, and I grow stronger and more aware of what it is I want from my music and life as it is before me right now. I think the most important thing is that I am inspired and productive. I am poorer then ever before, but I'm inspired to do better now...I haven't felt like that in a long time. I could have given a shit about productivity before, I wanted to wallow in my pool of misery and self-doubt, maybe knowing that in the end I would come out and understand myself and my ambitions better. ahh man, thinking is such a pain in the ass.
Last week was Thanksgiving and I went to my mom's where the wine and food were both endless. Two things happened while I was there. #1 I saw Pride and Prejudice. Not a movie that I would have chosen to see on my own (I was the lone soul requesting Capote), but myself, my mom, and my sister Julia went together. I used to love period pieces like this (I've never read the book), and gushy love stories...but over the past few years I haven't. I think a part of me decided that I was a modern woman, wanting more complicated things that involved stainless steal and bizarre story lines. But truth be told, I really feel a connection with the flowing skirts, the bustiers, the pretty language, and the palaces. This movie in particular was such a beautifully told love story, directed so well, acted so handsomely, that it could have turned any modern woman (well, almost anyone), especially if you have leanings to the strong-willed women capturing the hearts and minds of all the single men around her. Another one I have re-visited is 'Elizabeth', and in turn, started reading 'The Virgin's Lover' (a borderline historical romance novel). Both are essentially the story of Queen Elizabeth's rise to power, and her affair with close friend/member of the court/married man, Robert Dudley. I have to say WOW is this book hot. If you are looking to be swept away in a gluttonous period piece, with power, betrayal, and sexual tension that gets taken to the next level.....I recommend this book.
#2 I played a very mini concert for some of my sister's friends. It was by far not my best performance as it really wasn't a 'performance performance'. Anyway, some of the teenagers had heard my latest demo with Rigel...in particular this one dude, and liked it. However, after I played my solo set this one dude basically says that he could tell my only influence was Tori Amos. This can be a touchy subject for me, and for several other women I know that sing and play piano.
Truth be told, Tori is absolutely one of my influences. Beyond Culture Club, and Madonna I don't remember loving music as much as when I first heard her. But this was different, because unlike Boy George, she seemed to wake something up inside me. You have to remember, I was just leaving 6th grade, I was alone in a new town and awkward (as I always was), and was beginning to swear off the piano. And than this read haired women on MTV turns to me and says 'Excuse me but can I be you for awhile'. I was hooked. I was 12. I formed a somewhat healthy obsession, collecting CD's finding anything I could find about this women that seemed to connect so strongly with so many people. I was in love with others to- Tom Waits, Joni Mitchell, John Coletrane, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, George Winston, and Neil Young. If it was sad, I loved it. A lot. It had to be kinda sweet too. Tom was kinda an exception to this, but I loved Closing Time more then Swordfishtrombone at the time. That's still a toss up. The thing that I loved most about her was that she was so overtly sexual while playing the piano. I had never seen a women play a piano that way, and to be so out there and open..I admired that.
Anyway, I loved Tori a lot till about 18. After that, my tastes started to change as I moved from Southern Californa to Boston. All of a sudden I was in a house of boys that listened to dub reggae and hip hop, and I started to want to put beats in my music. Not just because I liked them, but because I also wanted to get away from Tori comparisons. So for years we experimented, and then in turn put out 'Benevolent Apollo'.
But I felt like a cover model for something that I was supposed to be, and realized that I had a lot of passions, frustrations, and emotions that I hadn't been honest about for years. In order to deal with them, I had to just go back to the piano and deal with the shit. Fuck the shit. I had to play like I did when I was a kid, which meant doing fucking hours of Hanon exercises to get my fingers back in shape. I had to do different vocal exercises to get my voice louder instead of the comfortable soaring sounds. I had to play for the art of it, knowing that without the beats and all the other electronic stuff, the comparisons would be inevitable.
And so there I was, playing my new songs solo -- songs I love -- and lo and behold I am accused of only being like Tori. It bothered me for a few days, but then I decided
#1 He only said that when I was solo because he couldn't think out of his box.
#2 He's a Tori head, so in a way it's kinda good that he loves Tori but doesn't like me.
#3 My voice isn't deep like PJ's, not as explosive as Bjork's, not as smooth as Billie's...the timbre is similar to Tori. And I play the piano. And I have curly hair. And that's why I connected with her in the first place.
But I can't fucking change that. And I'm not going to pretend anymore just so I won't get a comparison, and just to satiate haters. Fuck the shit.
And also, just because a female/singer/songwriter plays with emotion do they have to be put in the 'Lillith fair' category? I swear to god I'm going to puke all over the place if I hear that one more time. No disrespect to those ladies, they did a wonderful thing, but if I were the lead songwriter in a band it would never happen.
So speaking of music that can't be put in pretty boxes let me ask 'Why didn't anyone tell me to buy Neutral Milk Hotel before?' I only have the 'Aeroplane' one, I think there is one or two others, but my god what a masterpiece. Also, I am totally in love with Andrew Bird's new album 'The Mysterious Production of Eggs'. His violin lines are orgasmic, and his lyrics are witty, touching, and very funny. I love love love both those CD's very much right now.
Anyway, that's all. Go to my myspace page to hear new tracks by myself and Rigel
http://www.myspace.com/sarahrabdau
I pulled out my sewing kit for the show (a pair of scissors) and completely destroyed this high school play looking dress I got at The Garment District. I tore it to pieces, threw on a red sash, and sewed on a window screen....it came out exactly as I had hoped it would! Hopefully there will be pictures on the site soon....my site really needs to be updated, I know.
Throughout all of 2005 I have been writing 2006. I don't know why, I'm hoping that '06 will be better then '05. This year sucked so hard in so many ways, and for so many people, I think I have yet to meet someone that had a great year- emotionally speaking. There was a dark disgusting haze that dropped tar and grime on all things lovely this year. I'm tired of the shit covered sky. Fuck the shit. But as my friend and art warrior pointed out, I have grown a lot. And that's probably true, as a writer and performer I feel I have budded and bloomed a bit. I love my songs now, and I haven't for years, and the ideas I have been getting are inspiring to me. Each idea fuels a new idea, and I grow stronger and more aware of what it is I want from my music and life as it is before me right now. I think the most important thing is that I am inspired and productive. I am poorer then ever before, but I'm inspired to do better now...I haven't felt like that in a long time. I could have given a shit about productivity before, I wanted to wallow in my pool of misery and self-doubt, maybe knowing that in the end I would come out and understand myself and my ambitions better. ahh man, thinking is such a pain in the ass.
Last week was Thanksgiving and I went to my mom's where the wine and food were both endless. Two things happened while I was there. #1 I saw Pride and Prejudice. Not a movie that I would have chosen to see on my own (I was the lone soul requesting Capote), but myself, my mom, and my sister Julia went together. I used to love period pieces like this (I've never read the book), and gushy love stories...but over the past few years I haven't. I think a part of me decided that I was a modern woman, wanting more complicated things that involved stainless steal and bizarre story lines. But truth be told, I really feel a connection with the flowing skirts, the bustiers, the pretty language, and the palaces. This movie in particular was such a beautifully told love story, directed so well, acted so handsomely, that it could have turned any modern woman (well, almost anyone), especially if you have leanings to the strong-willed women capturing the hearts and minds of all the single men around her. Another one I have re-visited is 'Elizabeth', and in turn, started reading 'The Virgin's Lover' (a borderline historical romance novel). Both are essentially the story of Queen Elizabeth's rise to power, and her affair with close friend/member of the court/married man, Robert Dudley. I have to say WOW is this book hot. If you are looking to be swept away in a gluttonous period piece, with power, betrayal, and sexual tension that gets taken to the next level.....I recommend this book.
#2 I played a very mini concert for some of my sister's friends. It was by far not my best performance as it really wasn't a 'performance performance'. Anyway, some of the teenagers had heard my latest demo with Rigel...in particular this one dude, and liked it. However, after I played my solo set this one dude basically says that he could tell my only influence was Tori Amos. This can be a touchy subject for me, and for several other women I know that sing and play piano.
Truth be told, Tori is absolutely one of my influences. Beyond Culture Club, and Madonna I don't remember loving music as much as when I first heard her. But this was different, because unlike Boy George, she seemed to wake something up inside me. You have to remember, I was just leaving 6th grade, I was alone in a new town and awkward (as I always was), and was beginning to swear off the piano. And than this read haired women on MTV turns to me and says 'Excuse me but can I be you for awhile'. I was hooked. I was 12. I formed a somewhat healthy obsession, collecting CD's finding anything I could find about this women that seemed to connect so strongly with so many people. I was in love with others to- Tom Waits, Joni Mitchell, John Coletrane, Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, George Winston, and Neil Young. If it was sad, I loved it. A lot. It had to be kinda sweet too. Tom was kinda an exception to this, but I loved Closing Time more then Swordfishtrombone at the time. That's still a toss up. The thing that I loved most about her was that she was so overtly sexual while playing the piano. I had never seen a women play a piano that way, and to be so out there and open..I admired that.
Anyway, I loved Tori a lot till about 18. After that, my tastes started to change as I moved from Southern Californa to Boston. All of a sudden I was in a house of boys that listened to dub reggae and hip hop, and I started to want to put beats in my music. Not just because I liked them, but because I also wanted to get away from Tori comparisons. So for years we experimented, and then in turn put out 'Benevolent Apollo'.
But I felt like a cover model for something that I was supposed to be, and realized that I had a lot of passions, frustrations, and emotions that I hadn't been honest about for years. In order to deal with them, I had to just go back to the piano and deal with the shit. Fuck the shit. I had to play like I did when I was a kid, which meant doing fucking hours of Hanon exercises to get my fingers back in shape. I had to do different vocal exercises to get my voice louder instead of the comfortable soaring sounds. I had to play for the art of it, knowing that without the beats and all the other electronic stuff, the comparisons would be inevitable.
And so there I was, playing my new songs solo -- songs I love -- and lo and behold I am accused of only being like Tori. It bothered me for a few days, but then I decided
#1 He only said that when I was solo because he couldn't think out of his box.
#2 He's a Tori head, so in a way it's kinda good that he loves Tori but doesn't like me.
#3 My voice isn't deep like PJ's, not as explosive as Bjork's, not as smooth as Billie's...the timbre is similar to Tori. And I play the piano. And I have curly hair. And that's why I connected with her in the first place.
But I can't fucking change that. And I'm not going to pretend anymore just so I won't get a comparison, and just to satiate haters. Fuck the shit.
And also, just because a female/singer/songwriter plays with emotion do they have to be put in the 'Lillith fair' category? I swear to god I'm going to puke all over the place if I hear that one more time. No disrespect to those ladies, they did a wonderful thing, but if I were the lead songwriter in a band it would never happen.
So speaking of music that can't be put in pretty boxes let me ask 'Why didn't anyone tell me to buy Neutral Milk Hotel before?' I only have the 'Aeroplane' one, I think there is one or two others, but my god what a masterpiece. Also, I am totally in love with Andrew Bird's new album 'The Mysterious Production of Eggs'. His violin lines are orgasmic, and his lyrics are witty, touching, and very funny. I love love love both those CD's very much right now.
Anyway, that's all. Go to my myspace page to hear new tracks by myself and Rigel
http://www.myspace.com/sarahrabdau
posted by Sarah RabDAU at
8:42 AM
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