times to not change

I’m sitting here listening to Jonny Greenwood’s Soundtrack to There Will Be Blood. I love this music. It’s so terribly unnerving, yet it completely relaxes me while also igniting my brain to work and create. The last time I listened to this CD I pulled out a bunch of paints, canvas and old newspapers and started painting for the first time in years. I had taken the day off of work because my grandpa was in Kansas in his final hours and my mom and her siblings were by his side. It was the only thing I could do to be close to them. It was the last family connection to Kansas, really. I grew to really love Kansas, Wichita especially. They have a fantastic art museum there, if you’re ever in town.

I haven’t written in awhile, not sure why. I have been pretty busy, but I also just didn’t know what to say.

Our CD Release was a wonderful night. I was a big stress pile all day long for absolutely no reason. I knew everything would go over without a hitch, I loved all the bands, and I loved all the musicians we were playing with, but I could not let go of the tension. Backstage before we went on (the place was sold out a few minutes after doors…yay!) I was warming up and stretching and deep breathing and nothing was working. I was starting to freak out a little more when my friend Scott (who played guitar with us that night) came into the room, took one look at me, said ‘oh honey’, and gave me the biggest bestest hug that has ever existed and sucked all the bad vibes out of me. He’s got the power to do such things, and he used it. I was suddenly me again, and we ended up playing a great show. The whole night was a love fest. I wish all shows could be that way. Speaking of love fest, check out this photo from the CD Release, courtesy of mel.opho.be


Last weekend Matty G and I started shooting a video for Autumn Spills with 10 other crew people. Two things that I learned that weekend were 1) shooting a video isn’t as glamorous as I thought it’d be. 2) Video people have unbelievable amounts of patience. Going into it we knew that the days would be long, 12 and 14-hour days, but I didn’t really put together what that felt like. I mean really, all I had to do was look pretty and sing, what could be so hard about that? Well, it turns out it is a lot of work. Matt was pretty sick and getting worse by the day, my face doesn’t love make up or being rubbed a lot, and even though we were filming inside, I was not properly insulated as I was wearing slips and dresses and not leg warmers and hoodies. Beyond that, I was in the constant state of being ‘on’. Oooh poor me, in make up and pretty clothes and ‘acting’, when the crew was there handling heavy equipment, holding lighting rigs outside in the cold, setting up dolly’s and cameras, and making art pieces out of tin cans. And you know what? They didn’t complain once and smiled the whole time, all in the name of art and getting the shot right. Seriously, so awesome. Even going into hour 15.5 on the day that was supposed to end early, there was no way I could even let on about my tiredness or hunger or crankiness because they were just amazingly cool and collected. Musicians are pussies compared to these people.
In other news, I’m turning 30 next Friday. I typically don’t divulge such age things on my own, but I recently was sent a photo of me at 17 or 18…..


And this is me now with my sis in Guatemala in December……


I think I’m ok. And you know what? I need to get over this whole aging fear/thing. People are living almost 10-20 years longer on average, yet Americans continue to lower the age on what’s beautiful, relevant, or popular. I’m over it. I didn’t know shit, even 6 years ago. I wasn’t mentally prepared or aware of anything; I thought I was, but I wasn’t. And I’m happier now than I was 5 or 6 years ago. Life goes on, with or without us, so might as well go with the flow, try not to get too cynical, and moisturize.
This year I’m playing a few songs on my birthday as part of a songwriters show at The Lizard with Rick Berlin, and millions of others. I’ve never played a show on my b-day before; it’s a good one to start with. My birthday is also 3-6-09 and I’m turning 30, in a master number year of 11. Fantastic things should happen. Hopefully these fantastic things involve champagne and oysters for lunch that’s my plan too.
And today I’m actually going off for a few days of semi-rest. It involves warm weather, desert, food, but also……Vegas. Oof. I’m going to just go with it though, like when I was in South Beach and feeling insignificant in my slender 5’9 1/2” frame, compared to the 5’11” sticks in designer clothes that were on every corner. I haven’t gone out in a very long time without having to worry about singing or performing. Plus I got this new camera for Christmas that I have to try and figure out. Valley of Fire, here I come…